After The Love Has Gone

After The Love Has Gone

Love is the only thing we need. Nothing else matters if this is absent in your relationship. You might try to stay together for the children, but what if the children have grown and flown the nest, what if you have no children, what if as statistically shown, couples in their early thirties have drifted. Recent statistics shows that 3 percent of women haven’t had any sex in a year and 2.5% of men haven’t had sex in a year. Somebody somewhere is lying. Interestingly, the statistic shows that its often women that no longer want sex. Yeah, I hear you shouting that a relationship is a lot more than physical contact! Men only want sex and women want to make love. But, what’s a man to do when his woman tells him she has gone off physical contact. First she withdraws the sexual contact, then the emotional contact, intimacy, laughter and eventually frienship. What is she trying to say. I don’t know, could it be something like if your woman turns vegan, does that pretty much mean that you become one. When your partner says am not really into sex anymore is she condemning you to a life of no physical contact or is she giving you a get you out of jail card? By this I mean the option to explore sexual contact with another. If she only wants the companionship, she could have it while you explore your sexual urge with another. Surely, this is the most suitable option for all concerned. By no means am I saying this should apply or apply only in favour of men. Shouldn’t it be the policy when either partner withdraws emotional and sexual contract. No, I didn’t make a mistake here. I meant emotional and sexual contract. Surely when you marry someone, you make a commitment and a contract to satisfy each other emotionally, physically, thru thick and thin, for better or worse! When all these things are absent there can only be sadness, emotional loneliness and chocolate.

What can be done after the love has gone?

Can it be repaired, salvaged, would you want to? Should one return down a mis-trodden path? Never more than before has it been more important to be in Love and to love who you are with. Its all that matters. Many have replaced their relationship with the Iphone (this is my observation, not a general view held or statistically proven ). Rather than pay attention to their partners, they spend their time checking interactive camera’s on the Apps of their phone. This in itself tells you a story, a clear message that the partner is no longer interested and doesn’t care. If you are living a single life within a marriage or a lonely life within a marriage,…it is time to spice it up or ship out. What a waste of time. Does the answer lie within all of us? Many more people in their early thirties have known the marriage or relationship is over but continue for the sake of children, mortgage, security, but not for LOVE! They discover in their forties that it has been a waste of time and beyond repair. This is shown in the increasing numbers of over forties seeking love in the pages of dating websites, second and third marriages.

After the love has gone, one needs to examine if the love really existed and what one considers love. Are they in the things one does for you,.. the material aspect or is it the emotional. Could you really live with the same person if they had nothing but love for you. Would the attraction be the same if you had to care for them if they got ill,..could you? Would you? Care. Everyday I see beautiful examples of love from couples who aren’t even aware they have it. How lucky.

Love is not all those idealistic rubbish we are fed in RomComs. Its in the beautiful but delirious silence shared when you are both at your most vociferous. Its that smile and warmth you feel even when they are not around, Its sitting so close even though there is ample seating. Its in the simple things shared and its in the giving.

Remember: Running water cannot be stopped,.. it always find a way

Be careful what you wish for!

Over recent weeks we have witnessed violent demonstration in Tunisia which led to the demise of Tunisian President Zine al-Abidine Ben Ali has stepped down after 23 years in power as protests over economic issues snowballed into rallies against him.

Prime Minister Mohammed Ghannouchi has taken over as interim president, and a state of emergency has been declared.

Mr Ben Ali left Tunisia with his family, and has since arrived in Saudi Arabia, officials said.

Earlier, French media said President Nicolas Sarkozy had rejected a request for his plane to land in France.

Dozens of people have died in recent weeks as unrest has swept the country and security forces have cracked down on demonstrations over unemployment, food price rises and corruption.

This movement of mass disruption, pent up frustration against regimes long considered corrupt, inept and democratically non-representative have swept from the Tunisian capital Tunis to Egypt and its capital Cairo. President Hosni Mubarak’s grip on government is looking shaky. While these movement lift the veil of hypocrisy and all its inherent faults,.. one should be careul what one wishes for!

My argument is this: what do they plan to replace these regimes with, how are the life’s of the people going to improve over time, with so much uncertainty? What do these movement mean for life in the West? And for the countries in which they are taking place. In the first instance these regions who’s mainstay of economics is Tourism, can wave goodbye to their tourist industry for the foreseeable future as it will need a lot of trust building for the foreign traveller to return. Unemployment in the region at the moment stand at an all time high. This is the reason why most of the demonstrators are on the street in the first place. But tell me, how can destroying your most prominent source of revenue be the way forward? Don’t get me wrong, I do understand the need for change. Here in the West we must encourage these demonstrators to aim for a gradual movement, for inclusive and democratic change.

Whilst most celebrate the brave steps being taken by the people in the middle- East, heaven help us all if these movement for rapid economic and welfare balance sweeps into Saudi Arabia and Syria. We would witness in the West an unbelievable increase in the price of fuel, possibility of the democratic movement being hijacked by self –serving individuals or extremist who use the beautiful religion of Islam to make the situation worse. We should be careful what we wish for!

On a positive note, the events which unfolded in Tunisia has led to a more cohesive and understanding way of dealing with the movement for democratic change in Egypt. However, these are fraught times and although the armed forces have refused to fire on Egyptians,.. there is a need to maintain law and order or the ugly monster which lurks within usually well- meaning humans will out and looting may turn into general chaos. We all understand the CHAOS theory.

When change doesn’t come as quickly as desired, this leads to scenes of ugliness and lawlessness and eventually to anarchy where only the misguided are led by the should-know-betters! This is a time for men of God ( Islamic clerics ) to work with men of foresight to ensure a smooth transition. Egypt and indeed the region in which Tunisia and all the other countries sit is a continent full of historical beauty that’s had more than it’s fair share of pain. The West needs to be proactive and help these people to find a lifestyle/work balance. What they aspire to in wanting to be like the countries of the West Is not as free as it seems. Islam plays a big part in the life’s of the people of these region and mimicking or wanting the supposed freedom of the West could only lead to social ills, drug problems, western decadence, waste and footballers being paid £160,000 a week, whilst nurses average £20,000 a year. Yes, we haven’t worked it out in the west either. ( Priority! ) Yes the grass always seems greener on the other side but you still have to mow it!

Remember: running water cannot be stopped – it’s a life giver!